It's Not as Bad as a Punch in the Face

Dane Cook is one of my favorite comedians. In one of my favorite jokes, he discusses the unbearable trip that everyone must take at some point to the DMV. He suggests that in order to improve the trip, they should have someone standing behind the door to punch you in the face as you walk in. That way you can say, "Man the DMV is bad, but it's not as bad as a punch in the face..."

This is how I feel when Trey Hillman brings in Kyle Farnsworth. I feel like I am getting punched in the face.

Now, I know it's easy to be a "manager" when you're sitting on the couch at home. But seriously, can you guys follow Hillman's thinking process on this one? Let's go on a journey here...

You've got first and third, no outs, up two runs and a totally rested bullpen (one of your team's greatest strengths) so obviously now is a good time to go get one of your relievers.

You've already used Cruz in this game, so your best options to replace Ron Mahay would figure to be either Joakim Soria or Robinson Tejeda. Tejeda has ridiculous stuff, and has pitched 3 2/3 innings for you this season, not allowing a single hit and striking out seven (may I add here that I think this kid is severely underused and essentially overlooked by Hillman on a daily basis).

You instead go with Jamey Wright. He's a solid if unspectacular pitcher who will give you a professional effort. Not really good or bad here in my opinion.

Wright does a little damage and you go to the ninth tied at 5. Frank Francisco is dealing in the ninth, and your offense gets nothing.

At this point, you have Kyle Farnsworth and Soria each warming up. Francisco is really the Rangers' only good reliever, so the longer you can keep the Rangers from scoring the more you have to like your chances.

So, your choices once again are Soria or Farnsworth. Soria is terrific. Might I add he hasn't given up a home run since last August, he hasn't pitched in six days, and KC has an off day coming up. Oh and he's one of the best two or three relief pitchers in the world, I almost forgot that part...

But, you pick choice B: Farnsworth. He has two of your team's four losses. He gives up home runs at an incredible rate. You're facing one of the best home run hitting teams in baseball, with the heart of the order due up, in one of the better home run parks in baseball.

Farnsworth, without skipping a beat, throws a perfectly-meaty-oh so pretty-Ray Charles could smash it-96 mph fastball down the middle to the first batter he faces, the powerful Michael Young, who crushes one deep enough into the left field seats that DeJesus' first move is not back, but to the shower.

Soria heads that way, too. At the earliest, he will have gone eight days before he pitches next.

It's just one game, I get that. The Royals are still in first, I get that. There is more good than bad to be said about our boys in blue this year, I get that. But, this is the third time this has happened this year. I understand that Dayton Moore (who I love with all my heart) has invested $9 million into Farnsworth (for whatever reason I will never know or understand). But, you would think as much as Hillman hates consistency with our lineup, that he would change something that's not working. Some things I will just never understand...

Please do me a favor. The next time any of you are with me when the Royals bring in Farnsworth to pitch, please punch me in the face.